I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
