U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
