Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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