Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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