I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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