You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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