I'm lost and stupid without you.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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