last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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