his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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