VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
