also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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