I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
