cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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