I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
