do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
