Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
