if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
