Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
