would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
