Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
