I must be too annoying 4 u.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
