I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
