how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
