Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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