im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
