I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize