I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
