Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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