Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
