thus making me awesome and them whores
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
