i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize