FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was a blind-side dick pic.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
