well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
