It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
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Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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