Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
