Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
