I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
