I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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