During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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