She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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