Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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