I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
