i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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