how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
