apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
