I think I am morally bankrupt
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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