Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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