I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
