That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
