Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think my fart just growled at me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
