Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
