this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
