Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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