Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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