sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
