It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
