Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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