first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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