am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
