Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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