recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
