Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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