The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
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