The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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