I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
