My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
