Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
