so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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