wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
