Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
