I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My dick has a subreddit
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
