Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
