Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
